Love ?

Relationship hidden
behind secure passwords
yearning freedom, suffocate...

 

Life is easy ...errr kind of...isn't it ?

Life is not so easy ..... Its as difficult as we want it to be :D

Yes I have been completely... totally... utterly... confused . 

I have been thinking a lot the past few days ...months(??!!) ...oh well probably a few years now ... and the thoughts change every few minutes ...No wonder I didn't blog for some time ...By the time I start writing, thoughts which seemed so significant would actually seem to be silly and the post would remain incomplete ..in draft state .

A lot of good things happened and many which I want to forget and get past , while I was missing in action here ....

 I learnt driving ! YAY !!!! Nah let me correct that ...I started driving !  I leant how to drive ages ago :)  I can now drive during peaks hours on the Bangalore road listening to music and feel as though I am driving through some countryside .

I got a good rating at work this time ;)  Trust me it was so difficult sitting there in front of my manager listening to all the good things I had done over the year and that too on a video call ! I just hope my handsome manger didn't notice me turning red like a tomato .
For those who are new to this blog ..here's my epic battle
http://tangytomatotwist.blogspot.in/2013/03/true-story-wings-of-fire.html

And it was during this sabbatical from the blogging world that I realized , my son - Chochi ,  shares my dislike for Mathematics and Physics .... and my darling daughter Sushi is completely in love with the mirror ! Just like mom again :D

I also realized I was not only insecure about a lot many things , but in my attempt to be a strong woman , I neglected my sensitive side ... I let my insecurities and the desire to be strong take over me completely.... Of course there were moments when I got better of them ...but those moments were short lived .

In short life had taken a zig-zag course ... So while I was playing peek-a-boo with life and driving in my car across the outskirts of Bengaluru ....Did I mention above that I went ahead and brought the car one fine morning ...just like that... just to make myself independent  :D ? and by the way I got a new tattoo also done ;) .... I know I am going all over the place ...but I AM so excited to be back ....

So where was I ? Yes ! I was driving across the outskirts when I saw this ....

It was a hot sunny afternoon .... But this graveyard brought a sense of peace ....It seemed as if everyone was resting peacefully after finishing their chores ....their duties .....resting peacefully after the marathon ...  it was after a long time that I actually felt at peace with myself ..... It reminded me of days when I would sit under a tree with my friends in college and just chit chat . When the only worry was submission of next journal.

So what's life .... Isn't it just about living in the moment ?  Taking things as they come ?
I don't know when the worry turned from submitting the journals to insecurity about kids future .... to companionship during old age ... to next EMI... that I forgot to live in the present.  Why am I so worried about future ? Why do I doubt my kids capabilities ? Why do I want a promotion at work?
In the end finally I might be lying down next to an unknown person trying to find about him/her on a hot sunny afternoon . I might be just lying there watching an unknown person drive by trying to find the meaning of life ....

Second Chance

 

 

I say the sky is orange

you try to convince me it is not

Blue is the sky

with floating white clouds

you try to make me see the reality

 without realizing

from my peephole

All I could see

was the tiny orange of the rainbow

In the mad rush

 trying to collect the gold and silver coins

We forgot about

the Yellow river , the blue mountain and the purple sun

Beyond the reality

there is a magical world

Long forgotten and abandoned

Hold my hands and close your eyes

We will start the journey again hand in hand this time .

Take Care,

No it won't rain today !

I stand watching 

As the clouds above me 

take various forms and shapes 

The chariot turns into a monster 

The mermaids tail into an evil dragon 

The heart floats by 

teasing me , tempting me 

beyond my reach 

And then I see 

The storm cloud 

slowly inching towards me 

mocking me , provoking me 

with the rumbling sound 

inching closer and closer 

I feel the sharp pain

As the harsh wind blows 

across my face

I look up 

and wipe the single tear away 

No it won't rain today ! 

Take Care,

Feelings

You whispered 

the three magical words

A bit too late ..

I kept waiting ...waiting to hear those words from you. Do you realize its too late now ? 

Holding back 

Wishes untamed 

waiting for another lifetime 

What do you do when you realize your wishes won't come true ? Throw them ? Burn them ? or just wait for another lifetime ? 

Wild waves 

taunt my eyes

as you walk away ...

And I won't keep waiting for you this time ... 

Silence

Onset of a storm ? 
The pause before a lightening strikes ? 
Sun peeking through early morning fog ? 
The moment just before the pebble hit water and created ripples ?
My silence said a lot 
And you kept searching for words ! 



Off on a well deserved holiday !  Tired ...saturated ...Need a break !!!

Take Care,

True Story - wings of fire

*********************************************************************************All characters appearing in this story are taken from true life. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely intentional. If you can spot yourself amongst the characters, be assured that it is you
 *******************************************************************************

Once upon a time , not so long ago there was a  Scarlet Macaw. She was a very beautiful Scarlet Macaw. She was so colorful and full of life . She had an incredibly bright plumage in colors ranging from the scarlet , through to light blue, yellow,with metallic gold iridescence, and even some green in the wings. Though Native to humid evergreen forests in the American tropics, this beautiful bird had flown down to Bangalore after getting married to the most handsome Fire-tailed Myzornis . Our Scarlet Macaw was a beautiful and brave woman who was equally kind and compassionate. All through her childhood her dad had treated her like a Princess and told her she was no less than any boy if not better.  So after marriage though she loved the Fire-tailed Myzornis very much she was very very cautious. Cautious about what ? Cautious that Fire-tailed Myzornis should not treat her as a mere female. After few initial hicupps she realized that he did not actually belong to the enemy camp but was one among what you called as "real men" shown on televisions.  Soon they were blessed with two beautiful children who thankfully had the best of features of both the parents.
They were both taught the right values. While the Jr Macaw-Myzornis who was a boy respected every living being baby Macaw-Myzornis was full of life and radiated confidence .
The Fire-tailed Myzornis helped with dinner and also advised the Scarlet Macaw whenever she faced any problems as work place. The Scarlet Macaw was highly respected at the work place .She shared a good rapport with her manager as well as clients. There was a time when her client had sent her flowers all the way from the dense rainforests of Melbourne !
The Macaw wanted to something more . She looked for other options in the same organization and soon got a good role in one of the happening teams.
As always she worked hard . But this time her supervisor - the Harpy Eagle was not so impressed. He kept different types of competitions to judge his team and finally when the results came our Macaw got a shock of her life ! But why ? she asked.  "That's because of relative performance " pat came the reply from the Eagle.
"Can you swim like the fish? " He asked
"N...no " she replied
"Can you crawl into a hole like the snake ?
"No I cannot " she replied
"But I can fly ...and I flew so high ! "
"Anyone can jump into a plane and fly " He replied.
I will take it up at the next level she thought. Definitely my skip level who resembles the guy out of Mani Ratnam's movie Roja will help . So she went to the Lappet faced Vulture's cabin.
"Relative performance" he replied without bothering to look up. Learn to swim and crawl and we will see next year what happens" and he dismissed her with a mocking smile.
The Scarlet Macaw came home to find the Fire-tailed Myzornis' shoulders ready for her to cry. After she was done with crying she asked him for advise. He looked a bit surprised. "Ofcourse you fight " he replied. That was all she needed. "This is going to be your fight. While I will always be there right behind you , to hold you , to give you support, its going to be your fight entirely. And when you come back from the battlefield I will be right at the doorstep with a bottle of champagne...  either to celebrate the victory with you or to drown the sorrow. Just go ahead and fight!"
So with these encouraging words our  Scarlet Macaw went straight to the battlefield and called the Vulture and the Eagle for a fight. She had no idea if she would win or loose but she knew in her heart she owed it to all the females in the world - birds , animals as well as humans.  She owed it to her dad who taught her to fly so high. She owed it to her husband who took leave to look after the kids while she attended her meetings. She owed it to her daughter and even to her son who looked upon her. And above all she owed it to her mother who prayed during her exams , who was by her side always, who readily took care of her kids while she worked. More than winning or loosing what mattered was that she stood up for something she believed in.
And thus the fight began.....The Eagle and the Vulture were powerful ...very powerful but our  Scarlet Macaw had so much of strength in her that even she was surprised.

As she opened the champagne bottle that night for the first time she felt her life was worthy and meaningful.

Note : I had decided to fight  , to raise my voice against something I totally believed in . I fought ...fought hard and I won. Even if I had not won it would have given me the satisfaction that I at least fought ...fought with all my might. 





Take Care,